One of Those Moments

Have you ever had one of those moments

where you sit back as you silently observe

what constructs the environment around you,

and just want to destroy it all?

Mentally gashing every smile you see

until the white in their mouths turns red.

Dismantling every building you walk by

so that they crumble to nothing as you go before them.

Match-lighting every gas tank of vehicles that ride past you

so that they violently explode before reaching their destination.

Simply demolishing everything that exists around you

to mentally match the alone feeling that consumes your reality.

But that mental loneliness is worse than you thought

So you fall back to life and keep pretending that everything is real,

that everything’s cool.

1 week ago  /  0 notes

To Be Forgiven

Occasionally, I indulge in some risky behavior. Yet religious, but sometimes I crown me as my own savior.

Raised and washed by the blood of the Lamb, but time to time I choose iniquity to cleanse my hands.

My hands, built a part of the temple that’s meant for the highest, have been used for sin.. nothing short of malice. So grandpop, forgive me, for beyond church walls I am a completely different person you won’t recognize at all.

And excuse me if my words may slip and I sound a little vulgar; I just hope I am forgiven just to commit the same sin tomorrow.

Tomorrow, which isn’t promised, so I should try to be good but that devil on my left shoulder makes obedience so hard to be understood. See, to obey is to cage - cage myself from the things I want to do and say. And quite frankly, like a drug addict, it’s hard to change my ways.

So many things consume my mind, profane and crazy. Sex, drugs, independence - they lead me outside the arc of safety. But I want my Lord to hold me safely, protecting me from the chaos that surrounds me daily… as if I’m not a part of it.

Can’t seem to be independent without going astray. Gotta abide by the Word, but I want to do my own thing. How can I have my own mind and have the Lord on my side? Throw away the old dead man of sin, but how can I stay alive when I was born into wrong and want to do what I want?

But I’m still thankful when he’s gracious enough to let me see another day. That’s why I’m trying to find the Lord to lead the way because I’m lost.

But what he sees as lost, I see as discovering, unleashing, unlocking the evolved thoughts I’ve been wondering. Can I express myself without being sacrilegious? Can I be sexually free, mentally free but still be unfinished? Lord, why confuse me with questions and grief? Why create me this way if I still can’t be me? Is it because my soul is condemned to the world I’m in? Cus after Sunday service I’m back at it again. So what all can I do and what all can I say?

So every night before I close my eyes I kneel to pray that the Lord save my teenage soul before it is taken away.

1 week ago  /  1 note

One.

Someday, we will love.

Unexpectedly. Like waves startling a bed of seashells.

Unnoticed. Like zephyrs sweeping august streets.

Someday we will love.

Even those holding on by a thread, ready to let go and descend into the valleys of rock bottom and oceans of hope no more; someday, they too shall love.

It’s the only way that lives survive in this ugly place we call ‘The World’.

Even when it’s over, there will be love.

In the midst of tumult, agony, and doubt, there will always be love.

Eons and millenniums after these written words; after hate and ice have crippled the hands of time, there will be love.

In the darkness. Between the atoms that build your silent lips, there will always be love.

Intertwined with the seeds and embedded in the cores of the fruits of your loins, there will be love.

Pumping through your right atrium, into your left, out of your aorta, and throughout your soul, there will always be love.

Yes, there are broken homes and broken hearts. Broken tribes and broken societies fixated on breaking the circuit breakers that secure your train of thought. Everyday. Day by day.

Not today, but someday, we will love.

And love will love us back.

If we let it.

1 week ago  /  0 notes

Wanna hear my logic?

I don’t put people in the friend zone.

I put myself in the friend zone because I know that I’m going to leave in three months to start my life and meet new people that I may possibly fall in love with. You’re going to do the same. & We aren’t going to the same place.

This doesn’t mean we won’t keep in touch.

But why start anything beautiful with you if it’s going to have to die soon?

I don’t believe in long distance relationships.

I don’t want any pain between us.

The concept of you and I seems too complex.

So I’m putting myself in the friend zone.

I’ll tell you about all these girls I wanna fuck because that’s all I want to do, I only want that hour with them. That’s all, nothing more.

I don’t care about what’s in their mind because I care about what’s in yours.

I don’t care about how much their personality sucks, because yours doesn’t.

Damn.. I sound like a nigga.

You probably don’t even realize that I’m talking to you…

1 month ago  /  0 notes

Female…

A female is but so big, and born to be but so strong

thought of to be so many things, hypnotized by the media

to become some sort of “STYLISTIC” model.

A manakin dressed by the T.V.

So much to say what she’s worth, after seeing what she’s about.

Will you go??? stay??? or leave her???

Calling her words that have been drilled in your head by music.

“Shes this, shes that” when nobody notices the real her.

But what is the real her?

After viewing her most frequent actions

-seeing how she lives

-knowing what she does on a day to day basis

-following with her to places

-or friday/saturday night clubs where she could

dance to her hearts content

view the party girl in her.

Respect her as the goddess she is.

Live through HER moments of reality

be there when she needs you the most.

NOT 

to see the body shes born with and kept up.

Or to see if the rumors that’ve stayed afloat

through the lies of so n so

are true. 

Be a MAN to her.

Because I believe no woman’s going to fall in love with a PUNK.

Shake her up a little bit, but dont be too dominating.

Become the perfect denominator

and allow no improper fraction to come in between.

Haha 

What’s the point of her living if she can’t have love???

Be it a lie…she’ll go through misery.

Be it the truth…shed love you back intentionally.

Life is so short, and a woman can live but for so long. 

Make her feel alive and I bet you’d both grow old.

Just know how I feel….

If you say you love her, there isn’t anything/anyone 

who can replace her and there isn’t anything that 

has to change about her.

Just know how I feel.

2 months ago  /  1 note